S-21

It’s ironic. I have always wanted to visit S-21. (For I love history and going to historical places.) I wanted very much to visit the place where many were tortured and killed. I…I guess I just wanted to know. To see for myself what happened then.

Many told me that it is a depressing place and that I would be very sad if I do go. But after reading about Pol Pot and his evil doings, I just… I just have to go and see it for myself. As a matter of fact, during my trip to Cambodia, that was the one and only place which I looked forward to visit.

I was eager to explore the school which was converted into a torture chamber.

Yet when I first stepped out of the van into the school compound, all my excitement disappeared. As I started walking towards the first building in the school, fear began to grip hold of me. Each step became heavier and heavier.

The classrooms on the 1st floor are empty except for a tool box and a bed (w/o the mattress). Many were tortured in this room by the young army of Pol Pot with the use of various equipments. Many did not survive, I guess. Some horrible soldiers actually made used of this room to rape the beautiful girls/ladies. (Eventually, they shifted the torture from these rooms to the courtyard and another building, where the torture process could be supervised.) In each of these rooms hang a picture which will describe how the people were tortured. I did not linger in any of these rooms. All I could bear to do was to walk into one and rushed out. Strangely, I began to feel giddy. Not headache but plain giddy. My lips turned dry and I felt like fainting.

The second building is filled with pictures and photographs of people and how they were tortured or killed. Being a visual person, I knew that if I lingered long enough, I would eventually be haunted by these images even after I leave Cambodia. Eventually, I gave up.

The only place which I wanted to visit became the only place I wished I did not visit. I would have faint if I had continued. Desperately, I went to the courtyard and sat down to pray.

A missionary told me that one of the things which amazed her about Cambodia is that you can hardly see birds flying in the sky. In fact, you don’t see them at all. I did not believe her. So I made it a point to look out for birds in the sky or on the trees or anywhere. From the 8 days of traveling, the number of birds that I saw added up to lesser than 5.

Yet that morning, when I sat down in the courtyard to pray, the birds appeared. It was the only place where I could hear birds chirping happily and flying around from tree to tree. It’s ironic. I felt like crying. I felt like running out of the place (if only I knew where to run to).

I guess I would and could never understand why this had happened. How could a man be so evil and killed his own fellow people?! Why?!

“Lord, what is your heart for the people of Cambodia?” I asked.

“My heart for them is love. I love them…. I love them….” whispered the Lord.

It’s our first Sunday morning in Cambodia. At that moment, my heart was totally overwhelmed by a sadness that is yet so, so filled with love. It was too much for me to bear. I cried.

God loves them. He is the good shepherd and one who loves them very, very much.

eh, I am feeling giddy now.